4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
another moral hangover. fuck.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
