it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
