well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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