Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jerry, you need to find god
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
