Swine flu. Run for my life!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
