yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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