ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
