i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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