I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Shame is for Republicans.
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