All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
