So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
