Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have post one night stand depression
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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