Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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