Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize