new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
