his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
