Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
