my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
