I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
