He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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