Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
