the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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