i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
