It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
