Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
