im drinking this country out of the recession.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
