I wish I could teleport
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
