3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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