it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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