sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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