my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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