So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
