I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
