Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
