I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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