end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
