I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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