How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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