the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's great music for shaving your balls
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
