so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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