Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
