covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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