These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just high enough for therapy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
