Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
