$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
