Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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