What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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