Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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