omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
