why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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