it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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