We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
