I just made out with a guy for $7.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Im part way to drunk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
