Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
