The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
