i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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