Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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