anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
