There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
