Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
