trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
