There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
