He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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