I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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