she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
